Christmas - Perhaps The Hardest Time Of The Year . . .

Christmas season, which should be the most beautiful time of the year, is probably the most difficult. Everything is accentuated. There are more things to do and more money to be spent.

Each group you belong to seems to have a dinner or get-together of some kind. Some of us still send cards so they have to be written. There are presents to be bought and then wrapped.

When I was a young girl - you know where I was (up in Toronto) - we had an aunt who used to climb up the steps and ring the bell. Mother would answer and the aunt E would shove three packages at her and say,

"We are just on our way to the West End."

Mother would ask Aunt E to wait and go fetch two packages for them and hand them to her. They never came in to visit.

Every year, Mother would be upset over this and then my Father suggested that she just say,

"Merry Christmas" and let the aunt go back down the stairs empty-handed if they did not want to visit with us.

Over the years I have thought about this and all the things some people do at this time of the year to truly spoil it.

One of the grandchildren quickly learned that I keep a basket of "generic" gifts for someone who might stop by during the holidays. I always have chips and dips, cookies and candies and all of those fattening things people like to eat. That's just in case someone would like to visit.

Our Christmas is centered around Christmas Eve Church service. Here it is at 7:00 p.m. Up north it was at 11:00 p.m.

Every year I enjoy seeing all the families home at Christmas time. Since I have been here 14 years, I have watched many of them grow into adults.

I love the music, the candles and especially singing Silent Night by candlelight. I think of how many people in how many places (including foxholes in war zones) have sung this beautiful carol in many languages.

We have a huge tree at church and there is a creche beside it. Actually, this year, we have a creche hand made by our Pastor. When I look at that cradle, I cannot help but think of that young couple who could not find a place to stay when the Baby Jesus was born. What a time they had on their way to being counted for the tax system . . .

The birth of our Lord is the one story we learned from when we first attended church. People who were not raised in the Christian faith still know who Jesus Christ was and they do know about Christmas.

So, if Christmas is so fundamental and so many people know about it and everyone likes to celebrate it, why is it a time when so many people have such a sad time?

This is the season when there are more deaths suicides, more accidents, and more fires. Many people are depressed - especially those who have lost loved ones during the year.

It is a time when we want things to be "perfect" but that is just the problem. There is no planned perfect. We can only do our best to have things as nice as possible for people to come and visit and enjoy them while they are with us. (Just ask all the brides who planned all those weddings we attended this past year how much planning an event takes!)

Once you are older, you start to realize what "perfect" is. Perfection is very rarely planned.

I guess for me, "perfect" are the moments I think about from all the years that can bring a smile or maybe a tear as well. The older I get, the less I think about in terms of "perfect". I think about how intense some moments were and how I just never forgot.

I think about my friend, B, and her Louisiana accent when she used to kid about, "The bright city lights" . . . and she could string that line so it became a paragraph. That still brings a smile to my face.

I think about my Grandmother who made her delicious cookies - you already know about those!

I think about my son, Robbie who was born before Christmas and died just after. Since that is 44 years ago, had he lived, he would have long ago had children of his own. I do not even have one photo of that child. I just have the image of him in my head. That makes me so sad, still, all these years later.

I think about Shih Tzu puppies playing with the cardboard cores from wrapping paper. (I think if I look hard enough I might have a photo or film of that.) There is so much fun - once you know they are healthy and progressing as they should - with a litter at playtime. I used to give them about 30 minutes in the evening to run lose in the family room. The humans had as much fun as the puppies.

I think about the year my husband, John was so ill and how he had pneumonia. I remember when they told me there was nothing more could be done and I went to the York Super Pharmacy and bought a jar of Metholatum. I took it back to his bed and put some just below his nostrils in hopes he could breathe a little better. Then I went home in the dark ice and snow and drove too fast up the driveway. (That would be the dent we hammered out before we sold the house.) That was the year my neighbour, Brianne put the decorations on a little tree for me. They had been stored in a little pink tote box. Then, on New Year's Eve, the day John died, Brianne's mother placed those decorations back in the pink tote.

To be honest, I think for me there are as many sad memories from the holidays as happy ones.

This year, I have two friends who have lost their husbands this year. (I know what that is like and how blessed I am to have found life again and married Hubby.) I think about the hospices and mortuaries here who have special services to help those survivors. Those are very special!

Right now, we are putting the finishing touches on my sister-in-law's Christmas box. She has had a hard time this year, especially adjusting to losing her eyesight.

We had the perfect present, and Hubby set it up and it was ready to go about a month ago. But you know, since 9/11, we have to think different, and it might not get there if the postman juggles the box and it says,

"9:45 p.m. . . . 37 degrees."

Yes, it would have been down that low because my sister-in-law - actually, the sister I never had - lives in Cleveland where the weather is much like it is up on Yonge Street. So, we will take the talking clock when we visit her next in the spring or summer!

So we found her something else that talks . . . on a CD.

When we have such high expectations for an event, it puts major pressure on us. Perhaps we should just do our best - have a little food ready - have a few gifts on hand.

I hope some very nice people drop by your house this year and make smiling memories with you!

As the jolly rotund fellow says,

"Merry Christmas to All . . . and to All a Goodnight!"